Irresponsible

Why is it wrong to be irresponsible?

One of the most clichéd words used by people who are supposed to be better or greater or superior to us use to describe us in our yellow patches: irresponsible. Why does this word constantly come up in our lives? Why is it the irreplaceable tool used to undermine us?

Whenever you’re being irresponsible, you’re probably destroying expectations, and that sucks but it doesn’t mean you’re wrong. Being irresponsible is implied as the last thing you want to be. And maybe, just maybe, those guys, the one’s who’re supposed to be better or greater or superior to us, are actually right.

But maybe, they aren’t and people are just engineered in two different ways, and right now, the people who’re engineered to be better or greater or superior to the others are in the lead right now. Maybe, better and greater and superior are the adjectives associated with that race of people and the adjectives meant for the others have been suppressed by the ones in the lead, due to the fear of being second. Maybe, the current leaders will always be in the lead, and that’s how it will remain for eternity. The question is, those guys, the ‘responsible’ ones, are rated in terms of what? Is it by the success? The money, the achievements, the college degrees, the fame or the respect? The idea of these terms not being important to someone is bluntly dismissed by our one-dimensional society. These things matter so much to some people, that they can’t handle the thought of someone not wanting the things they want, or not respecting the things that they have achieved, and have completely shut off the idea of just being happy without any “success”.

No one, in their right mind, would agree with this: What if the irresponsible ones are far more intelligent to tell the responsible ones that they’re wrong in dismissing them? No one wants to believe that the hippie living in the playground whose been high for last decade or so and still can’t figure out how to change the station on his radio, is better than them. What if that person is actually happy and can make ends meet and just wants to live a happy 35-40 years fooling around with his “good-for-nothing” friends? Why is he wrong?

Yes, this might be a rather radical example but the essence of irresponsibility lies in most of the “carefree” men. This doesn’t mean that being responsible is wrong; this just means that being irresponsible might not be wrong. Now, if you take up a job and show up late and don’t do your work, then you’re just a jackass; but if you do what you love–even if society doesn’t approve of it, and deems it as irresponsible–and have fun, and be content with your life, then no one can give you the shit preaching you don’t deserve.

You ask a man on his death bed what the best moment of life was, and he’ll either give you a story about how he changed the world, turned his life around or something on the basis of which you get a pretty decent movie script or he’ll tell you about how he travelled the world with his best friends and did absolutely nothing except writing songs and meeting different people or about how he threw his perfected speech during the school debate competition and turned it into a stand-up comedy event. Both the stories make the dying man proud or happy and he ends his life in ecstasy (Yes, that was a hippie reference). The only difference is that the man who worked his way towards success would be more cherished and celebrated than the man who whiled away his time getting high, writing songs, travelling the world, laughing and living life to the fullest. This is where our outlook diminishes some minorities, the people who’re a little different than us, and that sucks. It’s just not fair. It’s not fair that how anything alien to a particular mindset is placed into the irresponsible section. Whatever you do to change the world dynamic, to break the first place on the podium that has space only for the better and greater and superior people, won’t be enough. It’s probably meant to be like that, the leaders putting the others down and living their “perfect lives”.

No one answer can satisfy the question. People would say that it’s important to have a purpose in life as it gives you a sense of satisfaction but they would not allow having fun or being happy to be the purpose of your life. This isn’t against the people who are better or greater or superior; this is against the people dismissing others. What is irresponsibility?

And, why is it wrong to be irresponsible?

Why am I here?

Why am I here? This is the question that has been bothering me for a good one hour. But then I think to myself, “You should have done this before, you know?” This is probably to convince myself, but I had always planned to write, probably to explain myself to those who don’t understand me. It’s not common, for a person like me to write. The question is, what do I mean by a ‘person like me.’ Obviously I don’t know what others really think of me, but I have a fair idea. I’m one of those few people.

When you meet me, you’ll think that I’m that I’m just one of those ‘cool nerds.’ Then as you get to know me, you’ll realise that I’m not a ‘nerd’ at all. When they see me pulling of all the ‘shit’ that I’m not supposed to, they say, “Oh fuck, this guy is not a nerd” I’m not a nerd, or a geek, or a book worm. I’m just someone who does whatever I want (or what my university applications need me to). I like to enjoy myself and sometimes I get pretty irresponsible, but at the same time I’m super responsible the night before my exam. It’s hardly any compensation for the irresponsibility but then, I fair pretty well. Yes, I’m kind of intelligent, and I know it, and I’m relying on it (for my future) but I don’t match up to my ‘potential.’ All my teachers say, “Your son has done well but he’s just so playful that he can’t meet his potential”

That’s the problem with me, you see? I’m just bloody irresponsible. And do you know what the worst part is? It’s that I know I’m capable of being responsible and that I have to be very soon, but I just don’t want to be! (Only if my father read this. We share a dream of me conquering the world. And no, he doesn’t know about my irresponsibilities). But leave my father out of the equation, I have a nearly impossible dream for myself and I know that I require a lot of dedication and hard work for it (I forgot luck there). Anyways, that’s not the point here.

Problem Number 1. What happened here, is that from telling you about what I think I come off as, I’ve come to tell you who I think I am. And through all the years (not many) of reflecting, I can now acknowledge the saying, ‘You are what you think of yourself’ (or whatever it was).

Problem Number Two. It’s very important to me, what others think of me. And according to me, “You are what others think of you.” And I’m just so convinced by myself that I never do things that might get people to not like me. People like me, and I like it like that (I’m imagining you saying, “no shit, bro”). This brings me back to where I was. ‘Person like me’ would probably not be what I think of myself or what people think of me, but it is what I think people think of me. And through all the reflecting, I had just concluded that what I think people think of me is basically what I think of me.

Problem Number Three. I know I like writing. I have always planned on writing and I’m not shocked by the fact that I’m writing right now. What this means is that when I said ‘a person like me,’ I didn’t actually mean what I think of myself because if I know that I want to write and that I’m doing it right now, I wouldn’t have said that. So maybe ‘what you think of yourself’ and ‘what you think others think of you’ are two very different things, even though I had just agreed with the contrary.

Let’s go back to the most important question. Why am I here? I’m not here because I had planned to write or because I’m bored. I’m here because no one knows who I am and no one will judge what I’m writing by what they think of me. I’m here because I feel that I get to know myself better when I write (even though you might be utterly confused about what I wrote in this case).

I just finished going through this again. And now I can conclude that you can never figure out what others actually think of you for sure, but you can realise who you are, that is, what you think of yourself. And if you like yourself, then I guess you’ll be just fine.  Anyways, my point is that now I know why I’m here and you know what? I like it here.